How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (The How To Talk Series) by Adele Faber book cover for the Book of the Day parenting book review

Our score

4.6/ 5

Outstanding

Listen to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (The How To Talk Series) free with an Audible trial Narrator, runtime & our audio review

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EDITION PUBLISHEDFebruary 2012

Genres

Non-Fiction Parenting Relationships

Themes

Acknowledging feelings to defuse conflictCooperation without commandsListening as a parenting skillRespecting kids as people

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will TalkThe How To Talk Series

Name: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (The How To Talk Series)
Price: 14.99 USD
Availability: InStock
Author: Adele Faber

Adele Faber

Faber and Mazlish's How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk is the rare parenting classic that's really a communication classic. It hands you specific scripts for the moments that usually end in a standoff, and they work on grown-ups too.

The Review

Our take

The genius of this book is its narrowness. Instead of grand theories of child-rearing, Faber and Mazlish zero in on the actual exchanges where things go sideways — the kid who won't put on shoes, the meltdown over a lost toy, the homework battle — and offer concrete alternatives to the usual mix of dismissing, lecturing, and bribing. The core moves are simple to state and surprisingly hard to do: acknowledge feelings instead of arguing with them, engage cooperation without commands, offer choices, describe the problem rather than the child's character. It's a toolkit, not a philosophy lecture.

What makes it stick is the format. The book is built like a workshop, full of cartoons, before-and-after dialogues, and exercises that ask you to draft your own responses before reading theirs. That hands-on structure is why the techniques tend to outlast the reading — you don't just nod along, you practice. Parents often report the same small revelation: that naming a child's frustration ('You really wanted to keep playing') defuses far more than any reasoned explanation, and that the same skill quietly improves how they talk to partners, colleagues, and friends.

It's fair to flag the demands and the dating. The approach asks for patience and a real shift in habit; in the heat of a tantrum, remembering to reflect a feeling rather than snap is genuinely hard, and the book can make it look easier than it is on a bad Tuesday. Some of the examples feel of their era, and a few readers find the scripted phrasing stilted until they make it their own. It's also more about everyday friction than about serious behavioral or developmental challenges, where families may need more specialized support.

Why you should read

Great if you want practical scripts, not theory
Great for everyday conflicts with kids of any age
Great for readers who'll practice the techniques
Great for improving communication generally

What to expect

A workshop-style, exercise-driven format
Concrete before-and-after dialogues
Skills that take real patience to apply
Some dated examples, durable core methods

None of that has dislodged it from the shelf. Decades on, it remains one of the most recommended, most genuinely useful parenting books precisely because it respects both the parent and the child as people worth communicating with rather than managing. The throughline — that kids cooperate more when they feel heard, and that you can hear them without surrendering authority — is as relevant now as ever, and it scales from toddlers to teenagers. Read it with a pen, try one technique at a time, and expect the unexpected bonus: it doesn't just change how your children respond to you, it changes how you listen, full stop. Few how-to books earn that kind of lasting word-of-mouth, and this one keeps doing it. The most telling endorsement is how many parents say they reach for it again at each new stage, finding that the same handful of skills flex to fit a defiant four-year-old and a withdrawn fourteen-year-old alike. It asks you to slow down in exactly the moments you most want to speed through, which is hard, but the payoff is a household where conflict becomes a conversation instead of a contest, and that's a trade most parents would happily make.

Reviewed by Jordan · How our reviews are written

Our verdict

4.6/ 5

Outstanding

Listen to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (The How To Talk Series) free with an Audible trial Narrator, runtime & our audio review

Buy on Amazon

As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Prices may vary.

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Common questions

What is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (The How To Talk Series) about?: The genius of this book is its narrowness. Instead of grand theories of child-rearing, Faber and Mazlish zero in on the actual exchanges where things go sideways — the kid who won't put on shoes, the meltdown over a lost toy, the homework battle — and offer concrete alternatives to the usual mix…
Is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (The How To Talk Series) worth reading?: We scored How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (The How To Talk Series) 4.6 out of 5. Faber and Mazlish's How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk is the rare parenting classic that's really a communication classic. It hands you specific scripts for the moments that usually end in a standoff, and they work on grown-ups too.